thie.me | Jens Thieme views and discussions

thie.me | Jens Thieme views and discussions

thie.me | Jens Thieme views and discussions

Top 10 list “Annoy your office colleagues” – Be a public nuisance

To prank someone is always great fun, especially when working in teams. Annoying your peers for fun can be a lot harder when done alone. Being the lonely soldier in service of public nuisance can be extremely rewarding though. You might have to find yourself a new job though.

Sometimes public pranking is just too great a blast to miss out on. Annoying your co-workers who have always bothered you for ages makes for a great payback and extended memories for good. So, lets get started with our top ten countdown of most annoying nuisances you can (and should) pull of some time soon in your workplace.

The key to success (which is to piss others off entirely) and great fun is to really stick to your scheme for a whole day. Nobody is ever going to take you seriously anymore but hey, there are worse ways to achieve that nobody will bother you anymore.

You can even play one of these annoyance pranks every week. With our top ten list you’ll be the hero for almost three months in your workplace. Now if that isn’t create a name for yourself.

#10: Modernization: For one full day only and exclusively speak in robot voices and make appropriate robot moves along the way. Act as an automated voice recorder on the phone and lose metal screws while walking. Leaving trails of metal wool in the toilet rounds up you little annoyance scheme. You can also pack your desk with tools such as screw drivers in order to repair yourself. Drink your water from an oil can, you get the idea, be creative.

#9: Innovation Projects: Wear a helmet; walk slooowly, bouncing off as in a low gravity environment; nap standing against the wall, conduct seemingly important “scientific” experiments with your stuff at your desk and your colleagues. Claim that all this is part of your astronaut training.

#8: Security: Follow everyone in your immediate work environment to spray everything they touched with Lysol. Wipe any surface clean instantly after they laid hands on it. Make sure to wear a face mask too in order to protect yourself from evil or germs or evil germs. Exclaim that your doctor advised you to avoid any human transmitted organics in order to avoid certain death within days of exposure due to a rare condition you have just learned about (make up a funny name). If someone asks you to stop: exclaim that they only exist in your imagination.

#7: Information: Scour the web for entirely useless scientific intelligence and forward abstracts with broken links to your peers all day long. Claiming highest priorities and importance will support this strategy. Announce awards for people who push back in asking to knock it off. The highest award would be received by someone who pays back with even greater crap.

#6: Technology: This one needs a little homework and practice: invent nonsense technical terminology and fill your conversations with these stupid tech terms. See who will play along for fun or to avoid the appearance of ignorance. Again: reward the ones who come up with even greater nonsense.

#5: Entertainment. Drum on anything in your path and claim the need of practice for your live gig as the new drummer for a local band next Saturday. Vary with other instruments or sing the same tune all day long. Hum stupid tunes.

#4: Conversations: Conduct interviews with staff around you all day long. Throw in some grape vine and some rumors and you won’t have any shortage of audience. Lie about meaningless and simple discussions and questions such as the cafeteria menu.

#3: Document Management: Staple all documents you are supposed to archive or forward in the middle of the page. Better even: glue them together or cut out headings and staple them together in front of the documentation as an index. Set the copy machine to ridiculous settings by default.

#2: Electronic Communication: Type in uppercase only during morning, use lowercase without any punctuation in the afternoon when exchanging email with peers. Schedule meetings for September 31st and February 30th.

#1: Socializing: Confuse genders when talking to people: address any lady with Mr. and any guy with Mrs. Ask for their gender if they don’t laugh. Avoid eye contact.

We certainly hope you’ll keep your job. And if not: have maximum fun and report your impressions here.