Liverpool FC Season 2014/15: My 10 rules for engagement
#LFC – The hibernation is finally over!
My 10 rules for engagement for the next 10 months:
1. On game days there will be severe mood swings. If you are not into football: pretend that I have never existed until next day (if game is lost which won’t happen often this season) or bring beer five minutes after the winning game whistle blew (the chanting noise might have diminished by 30-50% by then).
2. When entering my place during a shared game experience greet me with YNWA or kneel in front of the LFC flag in the hallway and pay tribute to Kevin Keegan, Robbie Fowler, Alan Hansen, Kennie Dalglish and Ian Rush. A special tribute supported by a significant donation of dark ale is to be paid to Stevie G.
If you don’t know what YNWA means: don’t come!
If you sing it upon arrival from the parking lot outside my place: you earned a 95min fridge access pass.
3. When we play the Toffees, don’t wear anything blue. When we play the Gunners do not speak French or German or Alsatian, Alemannic is tolerated because my kids speak it. When we play Chelsea: Fernando Torres will fuck it all up, so: relax. When we play the Spurs bring some jokes to fill time. When we play City: be quiet dammit!
4. When we play ManUnited: access to my place is only granted when I know and approve of you as a minimum life-time Reds supporter. Beyond life-time is a plus. A combination with an obvious and physically visible ManU allergy is an advantage. Should we (undoubtedly unfairly) not beat ManUnited in that game: we will collectively deny that the game has ever been played.
5. Don’t call or text during any game this season! Extension: any season! Exceptions: you’ll know.
6. If you want to be my friend: a KOP ticket will do. If you want to be my best friend for life: a season ticket and plane tickets Basel-Liverpool is the price tag. Fine if you can’t afford to throw in the accommodation; I’ll sleep in Stanley Park and we don’t have to know each other or ever meet.
7. If you don’t believe in two pieces of silverware this season: let’s just only talk about the weather this year, ok?!
8. If Brendan Rodgers earns more respect from you than your parents: let’s drink to that.
9. I don’t care what you think of me as a person. I expect you to know that I’m a child, a fanatic, an unrealistic patriotic moron and die hard football lover when it comes to LFC.
10. If you can hum or whistle the Match of the Day jingle: we’re gonna be just fine you and me, even if you are a City supporter or Gunners fan or a Merseyside football fan in the wrong color (brothers in arms). As a ManUnited fan: you’ll have to bring Gary Lineker along to be allowed in (hardly accepted still though).